In my first year of marriage I learned some valuable lessons about my wife, myself, and how I interact with other people. Through these lessons,I’ve come to learn that the expectations we set for ourselves make us blind. Instead we should learn to accept who we are, and understand that the people around us are a reflection of who we really are.

Click here to download the slides: Lessons from Marriage

Comments (6)

  1. Brandon Balsino


    I really like this piece because even though I am not married yet, I am getting their. I have been in a relationship for two years now and I still haven’t learned fully how to handle certain things. Just as you explained in your video, I like and think certain things should be done by her, but I am started to think that I really don’t have that control and have to understand the type of people we both are. I have learned though when I should speak and when I shouldn’t. For example, I know now when she does not really want my opinion, but just wants me to listen to her. I really like your concept of getting to know who we are ourselves before fully being able to survive in a marriage or relationship. Also I have been trying Dr. Dean’s method of never blaming her for anything, and it has really helped our relationship. We both now take the responsibility of the things we should and are much happier.

  2. Tanner Swanson


    What I love about this piece is that it identifies the implicit expectations we make when we discuss things with people with our understanding. You introduce conflict due to differences in understanding and perception. But when you simply abandon your own perception and embrace another’s, they respond the best. So often this is seen as a sacrificing of pride or of ones’ own ideas, but this again implies an expectation that your ideas add value or are better than the views of the person whom you are addressing.

  3. Adriana Nelson


    Even though I am not married myself, I hope to one day by with one person for the rest of my life. However, with increasing divorce rates, how is one supposed to hang on to this so-called everlasting love. This article does a good job at explain that we must relinquish the idea that we can control those around us, because in the end we only have control over ourselves. Also, another main point that seemed to really hit home for me was the idea that those around us are a reflection of our own self which in turn means that maybe we have to make some changes on ourselves in order to make marriage work. We must accept who we are and realize that no one is perfect, including ourselves.

  4. Reply

    I like this speech that talks about marriage. In marriage, learning how to release control is important. Wanting control over lives and spouses that is natural. Sometimes unmet expectations and disappointments in others can produce many negative emotions. Releasing control can be helpful in attaining a stable relationship.

  5. Reply

    These are good rules for a happy marriage.
    1. Relinquish the need to control.
    2. we must learn to relax and accept that which we cannot control.
    3. Have compassion for the others concerns.
    We must also accept ourselves and those that we surround ourselves with.

  6. Paulo Miro


    Jake, once again so great to receive insight from someone who is in the middle of experiencing marriage and it’s reality. I can easily see how once you are engaged in a not only a shared living situation but one of marriage it becomes easy to assign blame to your partner for anything that does or doesn’t get done in the house. I have heard similar problems from so many friends yet your solution is very unique. I think it is refreshing to be able to think of it in a way where we must come to terms with ourselves before even thinking of blaming our partners. Forgiveness and acceptance are key for a peaceful marriage!

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